Umm I'm too high to move.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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