Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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