Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
