Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
