I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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