Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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