I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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