I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
