It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just google imaged poop.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
