I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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