worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
