too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
