Nicole vs. Life
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
