totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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