Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
