my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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