Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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