the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
