hotel room ftw
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
