I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
