They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
