I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
