You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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