The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
