then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
