literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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