Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
