his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
