you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The uberlube is also flammable
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
