i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
