There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
