Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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