the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
