I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
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