so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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