jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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