My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
