didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
