it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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