That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
