My cat gives me a boner
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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