I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
