Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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