I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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