Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
