the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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