Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
