honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
