Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
