Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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