But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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