I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
